Trilateral Movement Shay Sampson 2004
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Monday, January 7, 2013
Meditation and the Maharishi Effect
On Friday I posted a picture of the chakra system, and explained how each chakra is an energy center in the body representing a different aspect of our self. This knowledge is often used in meditation, as a quick exercise to assess the energy within the body and adjust to achieve a more balanced state. This promotes a feeling of inner peace, relieving stress and keeping problems in perspective, a tool that can be very useful in our modern, fast paced world.
The art, Chakra Peace, shows the energy system and the figure forming a peace sign, and includes a poem about war which implies the question, is peace merely an illusion in our world, an unattainable ideal. Many would say that it is. Does peace belong in the same category as fairies and unicorns, nice to talk about, but not grounded in any sort of physical reality?
It is a question worth asking, especially given the current state of our world. War has become so prevalent that it is not even considered news. The Invisible War has been waged for over 11 years now, so named because no one is reporting on it, all details hidden from the public. Now drone warfare is being employed, so that killing of random and targeted people can occur from the comfort of a lazy boy recliner. Hundreds of children and thousands of innocent people are murdered without accountability on the part of the military. Communities are ripped to shreds and left to rebuild after senseless and unjustified destruction.
Many, including the president and even my own dad, an ex-marine, would say that there is no easy solution to this problem. It seems we have dug ourselves a hole that is now so deep we cant see our way out of it.
I admit I have also felt the weight of the problem, and the lack of clear solutions, even as I put the pressure on the president to call an end to drone warfare and the killing of foreign innocents. At the same time, many individuals wonder what they can do on a personal level to affect change, to make the world a better place.
I have long believed in meditation as an avenue to personal healing and growth, but after Fridays blog on peace and the psychic energy system, something else came to my attention. The Maharishi effect establishes the idea that individual consciousness affects collective consciousness. When just one percent of the population is practicing trancendental meditation, effects such as reduced crime rates and positive social, economic and political changes can be seen. The affect on consciousness can register on a national level, as improved national harmony and well being, and on a global level as improved international relations and reduced international conflicts. Studies have shown that with a group of just 7,000 people meditating, positive effects appear immediately, including reduced international conflict and reduced incidence of terrorism. For those who like math, 7,000 is close to the square root of one percent of the worlds population.
Meditation is not complicated or difficult. There is no need to spend a ton of money or time sitting in classes to learn it. You do not need to master yoga or a martial art to understand it. Meditation can take many different forms, and no one form is more valid or inherintly more effective than another. A person can meditate while doing the dishes, bathing or for a few minutes before they fall asleep at night. Meditation can be mixed with movement, such as jogging, dancing or stretching, or practiced while sitting in a quiet room. There are as many different forms of meditation as there are personality traits, it is just a matter of finding a style that works for you.
Chakra meditation involves visualizing the energy in you and around you and bringing it into an ideal state. This takes some imagination. Imagine the spheres of energy, one at a time, starting with the red. For example, lets say your red energy is weak. It has been allowed to spread too far. Instead of a bright swirling ball, you see red energy dissipating through the pelvis, with streaks of brown muddying the color. Since red energy represents the needs of the physical body, this could be because you skipped breakfast and ate fast food for lunch. Your body is reminding you to take care of it. You imagine yourself containing the red energy, moving it back into a ball shape at the base of the spine, letting a breeze air out the chakra until the color is shining, a true bright red.
Now you move up to your orange chakra. You do the same for each of the chakras, recognizing the part of you that each chakra represents, visualizing its current state and taking steps to bring it back to its natural state of harmony. This visualization can take less than 5 minutes, and helps align the energy within our bodies. It becomes more than just imagination. It can even produce changes in physical health, since blocked energy can produce illness or pain in our bodies.
And I imagine the effect on the physical world around us works in much the same way. Imagine clearing the air around you, allowing negativity and conflict to be swept away, while inviting peace and harmony. Doing this over your own household can create more harmony in your family. It can change our communities, our cities, provinces, states and countries. The Maharishi effect shows that if just one percent of the population would do this on a daily basis, we could maintain world peace.
The art, Chakra Peace, shows the energy system and the figure forming a peace sign, and includes a poem about war which implies the question, is peace merely an illusion in our world, an unattainable ideal. Many would say that it is. Does peace belong in the same category as fairies and unicorns, nice to talk about, but not grounded in any sort of physical reality?
It is a question worth asking, especially given the current state of our world. War has become so prevalent that it is not even considered news. The Invisible War has been waged for over 11 years now, so named because no one is reporting on it, all details hidden from the public. Now drone warfare is being employed, so that killing of random and targeted people can occur from the comfort of a lazy boy recliner. Hundreds of children and thousands of innocent people are murdered without accountability on the part of the military. Communities are ripped to shreds and left to rebuild after senseless and unjustified destruction.
Many, including the president and even my own dad, an ex-marine, would say that there is no easy solution to this problem. It seems we have dug ourselves a hole that is now so deep we cant see our way out of it.
I admit I have also felt the weight of the problem, and the lack of clear solutions, even as I put the pressure on the president to call an end to drone warfare and the killing of foreign innocents. At the same time, many individuals wonder what they can do on a personal level to affect change, to make the world a better place.
I have long believed in meditation as an avenue to personal healing and growth, but after Fridays blog on peace and the psychic energy system, something else came to my attention. The Maharishi effect establishes the idea that individual consciousness affects collective consciousness. When just one percent of the population is practicing trancendental meditation, effects such as reduced crime rates and positive social, economic and political changes can be seen. The affect on consciousness can register on a national level, as improved national harmony and well being, and on a global level as improved international relations and reduced international conflicts. Studies have shown that with a group of just 7,000 people meditating, positive effects appear immediately, including reduced international conflict and reduced incidence of terrorism. For those who like math, 7,000 is close to the square root of one percent of the worlds population.
Meditation is not complicated or difficult. There is no need to spend a ton of money or time sitting in classes to learn it. You do not need to master yoga or a martial art to understand it. Meditation can take many different forms, and no one form is more valid or inherintly more effective than another. A person can meditate while doing the dishes, bathing or for a few minutes before they fall asleep at night. Meditation can be mixed with movement, such as jogging, dancing or stretching, or practiced while sitting in a quiet room. There are as many different forms of meditation as there are personality traits, it is just a matter of finding a style that works for you.
Chakra meditation involves visualizing the energy in you and around you and bringing it into an ideal state. This takes some imagination. Imagine the spheres of energy, one at a time, starting with the red. For example, lets say your red energy is weak. It has been allowed to spread too far. Instead of a bright swirling ball, you see red energy dissipating through the pelvis, with streaks of brown muddying the color. Since red energy represents the needs of the physical body, this could be because you skipped breakfast and ate fast food for lunch. Your body is reminding you to take care of it. You imagine yourself containing the red energy, moving it back into a ball shape at the base of the spine, letting a breeze air out the chakra until the color is shining, a true bright red.
Now you move up to your orange chakra. You do the same for each of the chakras, recognizing the part of you that each chakra represents, visualizing its current state and taking steps to bring it back to its natural state of harmony. This visualization can take less than 5 minutes, and helps align the energy within our bodies. It becomes more than just imagination. It can even produce changes in physical health, since blocked energy can produce illness or pain in our bodies.
And I imagine the effect on the physical world around us works in much the same way. Imagine clearing the air around you, allowing negativity and conflict to be swept away, while inviting peace and harmony. Doing this over your own household can create more harmony in your family. It can change our communities, our cities, provinces, states and countries. The Maharishi effect shows that if just one percent of the population would do this on a daily basis, we could maintain world peace.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Chakra Peace
On the news a half
million people died.
The result? A million more people loose their lives.
I asked my sources,
but they denied
That much had
happened to the other side.
It makes me angry
that they lied
And said not one
civillian died.
They fight for oil,
they fight for pride
While they trow away
the children's lives.
They asked me to
fight
And when I defied
They said Peace was
an illusion in my mind
An imaginary thing
I could not find.
- Shay Sampson, 2001
I wrote this poem
after the fall of 9.11.
The picture was drawn
at some point after after the birth of my daughter in '02.
It shows an alien
with the chakra system fully active.
The 7 energy centers
in the body, running along the spine
Show the full
spectrum of light.
From red, at the base
of the spine
Representing the
primal needs
Food, shelter, warmth
What is necessary for
the body's survival
To orange, our center
for feeling and emotions
In the center of the
abdomen.
Each chakra is
circular,
And would appear
anywhere from the size of your fist to the size of a CD.
The light energy in
each one swirls.
At the Solarplexus,
the yellow chakra, your gut instinct,
feelings of intuition.
Moving up to the
heart, the green chakra our center for Love
and appreciation.
Our chakras exchange
energy with the world around us
Anytime we interact with the world on one of
these levels.
In the case of the
green chakra, when we give love,
Energy flows from our heart center.
When we recieve love,
energy flows into our heart center.
Up from the heart
chakra, at the throat
Is the blue chakra,
the center for communication.
When one of our
chakras is not flowing smoothly,
the circle of colored
light energy reflects the problem.
In the case of the
blue chakra, communication problems can arise.
When communication is
blocked, the energy is constraned,
And the chakra
becomes smaller and darker without a healthy swirl.
When there is too
much communication,
The energy is weak
and lacking in clear boundaries.
There is a lot of
talk, but very little of substance,
And the chakra reflects
that.
Above the throat
chakra, is the indigo chakra at the location of the third eye.
This is the center
for thought, perception and telepathic communication.
Interacting with the
world telepathically is exchanging
Energy to and from the indigo chakra.
At the top of the
head is the violet, or crown chakra,
The body's spiritual
center.
When we pray, it is
from the top of our heads.
Interacting with
people, animals and Nature on a spiritual level
Is sending and
recieving energy from the violet chakra.
The gold sun chakra
sits over our heads, our interaction with
spirit and light.
It contains the full
spectrum of light.
From the gold sun
chakra, a field of light extends around our body,
Like a bubble or a
force field.
Also white are
smaller chakras in the hands and feet.
These allow us to
send and recieve energy through our hands and feet.
There is a ground
that extends from the base red chakra to the center of the earth.
Picturing this in
your head is an excersize of grounding meditation.
I have also drawn a
tether leading from the alien figure to a baby,
My daughter Venus.
It can be said that
we are connected to the things we love by a silver thread.
If you would like to
make a donation of $10, I will send you a glossy 8x10 print of this art, which
I have entitled Chakra Peace. I will
also include a printed copy of today's blog post. If you are not able to, or do not wish to
donate, you are still welcome to the information in my blog. I believe knowledge should be free. Thank you for reading.
-Shay
Thursday, December 20, 2012
My 8 Year Bout With Christianity
In continuing with putting together the segmented pieces of my life, I imagine this next part will be the most difficult to write. Not because I have terrible memories attached to this time, but because it is a part of my life I have thoroughly left behind. Of course, I have some friends that only knew me during these years, and to them, I assume it is a total mystery how I got the way I am today, which is vastly different than I used to be.
At 12 years old, my family moved from Northern BC to Southern Alberta. My parents bought 60 acres outside of Calgary and put a mobile home on it, eventually had a house built there. By the 7th grade, I was beginning to get curious about spirituality. As I laid in bed at night, my mind would drift to the big questions of the universe: Who are we? Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? Who, or what is god? What about the afterlife? Being the only spiritual book I had access to at the time, I started to read the bible.
In the New Testament (where I started), things seemed pretty innocent. You had this bearded dude in a while robe and sandals talking about peace and love. And, oh yes, there were miracles. Blind people suddenly given sight and the dead coming back to life. Knowing that there were other religions in the world, I was hesitant to commit to this one, but since this was the only one I seemed to have a road map for, I decided to give it a try.
They call the area I lived in Cowboy Country, so naturally, the local community church featured someone in wranglers and a western shirt strumming an acoustic guitar. Of course, my teenage self was far too cool for country music, but the people were welcoming. One Sunday, a guest speaker was introduced as a prophet. I stayed after the sermon and went up to see him, think perhaps he could tell my future. After praying for me, he said that he saw me on the crest of a wave, with a crowd of people from my generation following. It never occurred to me to wonder if he gave this prophesy to all the young girls, I simply believed it. That summer, the church held an outdoor baptism service, and I got baptized in the Sheep River.
And the rest of my teenage life went along fairly normally for a few years. I played a lot of sports, basketball and volleyball, had sleepovers with friends and crushes on boys. I was fairly creative but scored only average marks, which didn't matter nearly as much to me as it did to my parents. I chose my high school, a small school of about 350 students.
In the 10th grade, a friend brought me to visit her church in Calgary. Now, big city churches have guitars, drums, bass guitars and keyboards, the style was soft of rock/blues, with plenty of gospel thrown in (pun intended). But this church was quite a scene. People were dancing in the isles, jumping up and down, spinning in circles, waving ribbons and flags. It was colorful and over the top. There people there would line up across the front of the church, and as the pastor came along to pray for them, he would put his hand on their forehead, and they would fall down on the floor and stay there for a good long time. Being the curious soul that I am, I went up to get prayed for, and guess what? I fell down, too. The energy in that church is what drew me to it. Plus, we could show up at church with dyed hair and wild clothing, which in the raver years of the late 90's, was important. I joined the youth group and soon became a leader in the youth group, committing to be there an extra weekday as well as Sundays.
I the 11th grade I started a youth group in my school. The type of Christianity I was involved in is very evangelistic, meaning they are all about "saving the world". We had a few converts, but mostly we just annoyed a lot of people. In case you haven't noticed, Christians can be very dogmatic and close minded. I was the poster child for that. The same year, my volleyball coach recognized that I had potential and offered to work with me to get me a full scholarship to university. I told him that I didn't want to go to university, because I wanted to go to bible college and become a pastor. He offered to help me get a scholarship for a Christian university. I told him I planned to go to the community bible college that was owned by the church I was in.
So after graduation I went off to bible college, and my first year went off without a hitch. Technically, I earned a certificate in Biblical Studies. I had to pay for my second year myself. I worked all summer as a waitress and saved enough for tuition and board. Then one morning I woke up with the most excruciating pain in my face, throbbing and making my vision blur. I needed an emergency root canal. Hello root canal, goodbye college tuition. I signed up for a couple of courses by correspondence, moved home and got a job at a local private school, as an assistant phys. ed teacher and volleyball coach. I went back for my second semester, but didn't quite earn enough credits to complete my second year, a Diploma in Christian Leadership.
By the end of year two in bible college, it didn't matter anymore. I had become disillusioned with the church, fed up with the politics, and frustrated by the limitations of my religion and the close mindedness of those around me. My brother had gone to film school, and we talked on the phone about stream of consciousness writing. You simply start writing and keep writing, keeping your pen moving until you get into a flow. You don't critique or edit as you write, just wait and see what comes out. Eventually, it is like writing straight from the soul.
So, I made the decision not to go back to bible college for my third year. I got an apartment and a job at a nearby coffee shop and started writing. I filled up notebooks and binders and loose leaf. I wrote on anything I could find. I was finding myself, discovering my true inner self, writing about pain, love, joy, disappointment, abandonment, elation, wonder and all the messy and mystical feelings we experience as humans. Some of my work was quite good. Some didn't make any sense at all. At one point, I took a few of my favorite poems to show my pastor. He was very disapproving. I was hurt about the outright rejection of the poems that were like little pieces of my soul, laid out on paper for all to see. I truly felt I had been following my own inner voice and was on the path I needed to be on. My pastor warned me against being a "lone wolf", which I guess means developing my own ideas independent of church teaching. I felt I needed to grow and learn outside of the confines of established and acceptable doctrine, and to express myself that way as well. So we went our separate ways, the church and all the friends I made there continuing to do what they do, and I off on my own, ready to experience the world with open eyes. Thus ended my eight year relationship with the church.
At 12 years old, my family moved from Northern BC to Southern Alberta. My parents bought 60 acres outside of Calgary and put a mobile home on it, eventually had a house built there. By the 7th grade, I was beginning to get curious about spirituality. As I laid in bed at night, my mind would drift to the big questions of the universe: Who are we? Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? Who, or what is god? What about the afterlife? Being the only spiritual book I had access to at the time, I started to read the bible.
In the New Testament (where I started), things seemed pretty innocent. You had this bearded dude in a while robe and sandals talking about peace and love. And, oh yes, there were miracles. Blind people suddenly given sight and the dead coming back to life. Knowing that there were other religions in the world, I was hesitant to commit to this one, but since this was the only one I seemed to have a road map for, I decided to give it a try.
They call the area I lived in Cowboy Country, so naturally, the local community church featured someone in wranglers and a western shirt strumming an acoustic guitar. Of course, my teenage self was far too cool for country music, but the people were welcoming. One Sunday, a guest speaker was introduced as a prophet. I stayed after the sermon and went up to see him, think perhaps he could tell my future. After praying for me, he said that he saw me on the crest of a wave, with a crowd of people from my generation following. It never occurred to me to wonder if he gave this prophesy to all the young girls, I simply believed it. That summer, the church held an outdoor baptism service, and I got baptized in the Sheep River.
And the rest of my teenage life went along fairly normally for a few years. I played a lot of sports, basketball and volleyball, had sleepovers with friends and crushes on boys. I was fairly creative but scored only average marks, which didn't matter nearly as much to me as it did to my parents. I chose my high school, a small school of about 350 students.
In the 10th grade, a friend brought me to visit her church in Calgary. Now, big city churches have guitars, drums, bass guitars and keyboards, the style was soft of rock/blues, with plenty of gospel thrown in (pun intended). But this church was quite a scene. People were dancing in the isles, jumping up and down, spinning in circles, waving ribbons and flags. It was colorful and over the top. There people there would line up across the front of the church, and as the pastor came along to pray for them, he would put his hand on their forehead, and they would fall down on the floor and stay there for a good long time. Being the curious soul that I am, I went up to get prayed for, and guess what? I fell down, too. The energy in that church is what drew me to it. Plus, we could show up at church with dyed hair and wild clothing, which in the raver years of the late 90's, was important. I joined the youth group and soon became a leader in the youth group, committing to be there an extra weekday as well as Sundays.
I the 11th grade I started a youth group in my school. The type of Christianity I was involved in is very evangelistic, meaning they are all about "saving the world". We had a few converts, but mostly we just annoyed a lot of people. In case you haven't noticed, Christians can be very dogmatic and close minded. I was the poster child for that. The same year, my volleyball coach recognized that I had potential and offered to work with me to get me a full scholarship to university. I told him that I didn't want to go to university, because I wanted to go to bible college and become a pastor. He offered to help me get a scholarship for a Christian university. I told him I planned to go to the community bible college that was owned by the church I was in.
So after graduation I went off to bible college, and my first year went off without a hitch. Technically, I earned a certificate in Biblical Studies. I had to pay for my second year myself. I worked all summer as a waitress and saved enough for tuition and board. Then one morning I woke up with the most excruciating pain in my face, throbbing and making my vision blur. I needed an emergency root canal. Hello root canal, goodbye college tuition. I signed up for a couple of courses by correspondence, moved home and got a job at a local private school, as an assistant phys. ed teacher and volleyball coach. I went back for my second semester, but didn't quite earn enough credits to complete my second year, a Diploma in Christian Leadership.
By the end of year two in bible college, it didn't matter anymore. I had become disillusioned with the church, fed up with the politics, and frustrated by the limitations of my religion and the close mindedness of those around me. My brother had gone to film school, and we talked on the phone about stream of consciousness writing. You simply start writing and keep writing, keeping your pen moving until you get into a flow. You don't critique or edit as you write, just wait and see what comes out. Eventually, it is like writing straight from the soul.
So, I made the decision not to go back to bible college for my third year. I got an apartment and a job at a nearby coffee shop and started writing. I filled up notebooks and binders and loose leaf. I wrote on anything I could find. I was finding myself, discovering my true inner self, writing about pain, love, joy, disappointment, abandonment, elation, wonder and all the messy and mystical feelings we experience as humans. Some of my work was quite good. Some didn't make any sense at all. At one point, I took a few of my favorite poems to show my pastor. He was very disapproving. I was hurt about the outright rejection of the poems that were like little pieces of my soul, laid out on paper for all to see. I truly felt I had been following my own inner voice and was on the path I needed to be on. My pastor warned me against being a "lone wolf", which I guess means developing my own ideas independent of church teaching. I felt I needed to grow and learn outside of the confines of established and acceptable doctrine, and to express myself that way as well. So we went our separate ways, the church and all the friends I made there continuing to do what they do, and I off on my own, ready to experience the world with open eyes. Thus ended my eight year relationship with the church.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
The 144,000 City
When I was flipping through my old books, I came across this page and just had to laugh. Yes I admit, it's cheesy, but some of these are genuinely funny. I wrote this in 2005, when I was 24 years old. Perhaps funnier still is the idea that a 24 year old would sit around thinking up names for a prophesied city that has never existed. A city which she was hoping to someday build. Crazy? Yes, very. But if this doesn't at least make you smile, I think you should check your pulse.
You don't have to like all of them, or any of them. I don't even like all of them, and I wrote it! (Whadda Beach, though? That's pure genius!) Beyond all the religious rhetoric, the fighting over who owns the rights to what, or the ridiculous idea of trying to establish uniform beliefs among groups of people, the city itself is not a bad idea.
I think if we were to build it in Canada, it could be an eco-paradise, with green infastructure and sustainable technology. It would promote harmony between humans and nature, using our resources wisely so as to preserve nature for later generations, and harmony between humans, with true democracy, equality and co-operation. I could see it as a peaceful refuge from the greed and violence in the rest of the world.
The way I figure, someone's gotta build this thing, it might as well be us in Canada. Why not? Although I can't necessarily tell you all the steps to get us from here to there, I'd like to invite you to dream. We can create a city in our thoughts. Of course, if you have any clever name suggestions, I'm all ears!
You don't have to like all of them, or any of them. I don't even like all of them, and I wrote it! (Whadda Beach, though? That's pure genius!) Beyond all the religious rhetoric, the fighting over who owns the rights to what, or the ridiculous idea of trying to establish uniform beliefs among groups of people, the city itself is not a bad idea.
I think if we were to build it in Canada, it could be an eco-paradise, with green infastructure and sustainable technology. It would promote harmony between humans and nature, using our resources wisely so as to preserve nature for later generations, and harmony between humans, with true democracy, equality and co-operation. I could see it as a peaceful refuge from the greed and violence in the rest of the world.
The way I figure, someone's gotta build this thing, it might as well be us in Canada. Why not? Although I can't necessarily tell you all the steps to get us from here to there, I'd like to invite you to dream. We can create a city in our thoughts. Of course, if you have any clever name suggestions, I'm all ears!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Starry Dreams and Lofty Ideals
There are some things that we keep hidden, not allowing them into the light. It may be due to fear that something bad will happen if we do, or possibly that some of our power might be gone if we share our experiences. I wonder sometimes if we are afraid to give power away to others, thinking that will make us less powerful.
I have had some very intense and strangely symbolic dreams. In the past, telling some of my more poignant dreams has been met with some hostility and caused rifts to be formed among friends. One dream, which I have never shared with anyone except my husband, occured when I was 23 years old. I think I never shared it because to me it was special, a small secret holding some power as long as it was mine. At the time, I felt so much had been taken from me, an innocence stolen that I would never regain. Although I fought hard against it, the heartache caused me to close up, build walls, go into isolation in a way. So I kept this dream to myself, my own little light under a bushel, and now I am 31. It has been 8 years.
In the dream I was with a crowd of people, some my age, some younger, and we were all together in this tiny house, and we were trapped. Outside was a dinosaur, like a tyranosaurus rex, gnashing his teeth, trying to stick his head in the windows. Everybody was afraid that he would make a meal out of us. That's when I found an ax and chopped a hole in the ceiling. I climbed up into the attic and started helping others do the same. Eventually, we were able to get up on the roof and get free, and as I woke up from this dream, I heard a voice, clear as day, singing "If that was true you never should have entered seventeen."
At the time, I wasn't even aware that I had "entered seventeen" or even that such a thing were possible. This was all news to me! I laugh about it now. The whole thing seems so bizzare, but still, some of the mystery remains. What could it all mean? For years I kept the dream hidden, maybe for fear that it would be seen as an ego trip. Maybe because of the anger I felt at the world for having stolen my innocence, my happiness, my peace and comfort, not to mention having almost ruined my marriage. I won't get into the messiness of all that, as it's almost too scary to mention, and not really a pertinant part of the story.
Jump ahead several years, after years of "workin' for the man", letting them control my schedule and affect my parenting, relationships and liesure. I quit my job last August, and I cashed out my pension. My RRSP was $17,000, and I had to go to the bank to cash it. And like any trip to the bank, it was almost hell on earth. (who can attest?) At first no one wanted to help. The receptionist wouldn't give me the time of day, so I just ignored her and walked right into the manager's office and (nicely) asked him to pull some strings. Even then he suggested to me that rather than giving me cash he would give me overdraft (trying to convince me that this is as good as cash!). I told him that I was not there for overdraft, but for my money, and that I don't qualify for overdraft anyway. Looking at the paperwork, and seeing that they have $17,000 of my money, he said "Oh, something must have happened in your past." I LAUGHED out loud at this! "WTF, man, have you been living under a rock?" was all I could think. So, eventually, he did what he could have done from the very beginning, which is to call the company and confirm that the money was there and the check was legit. I think what turned him around was that I threatened to basically camp out at the bank, by telling him that if I didn't get my money I wouldn't have the gas to drive home. I was glad to finally get it, but pissed off that he basically made me beg for it. Just a little power trip they play there.
And I guess that's why, if the dream were real, I still would have helped everyone into the attic, because I know what it's like to be shit on, to be taken advantage of, to be stolen from. And I also know what it's like to feel like you're in danger, on the run, or have your survival threatened in some way (this is assuming you are about to get eaten by a giant nasty dinosaur).
Two of my best friends died this August, which has brought the uncertanty of life crashing down on me. We never know how much time we have. Eric and Lindsay didn't know they were going to die on August 12th, at 33 and 27 years old. But they had a fatal car accident, the other car in the wrong lane. They had stopped to watch a mountain goat cross the road, and were just beginning to take off again. On our way to the funeral, we drove the #1 to the spot where they died. This was hard, and we were all really feeling the loss. We left two beers by the the cross on the side of the road. There were pieces of debris all over the road and in the ditch, spreading 20 feet up the mountainside. I met Eric when I was 20, the same day I met my husband.
And life has been really hard this whole time, in the years I spent fighting off the slings and arrows, the time I spent working for the city, and in dealing with a good friend's death, and the mourning and everything I've learned from it. I have stuggled to overcome these hurdles in my life, and to raise my kids to the best of my ability, and I continue to do so.
At the same time, I am ready to move on, and look to the future and move into it. And so, with my money, I'm going to live for a while and support myself while I work on my own business and become self employed. I'm looking to start something really great, a way of helping other independant people, artists, crafters, musicians as well as providing an opportunity for people to teach others their knowledge or skills. I think there are a lot of skills out there which would otherwise be lost if we don't teach them. And whatever I have to offer, I refuse to live in hiding anymore. I have piles of books full of poems, drawings, stories and journal entries that I have written, and I am going to start sharing them with the world. I'll start here on my blog, and try to post something every day throughout the week. Just a short blurb, and if you want to take ten minutes of your time to stop in here and check out what I'm posting, you are welcome to. Also, please feel free to give your feedback in the comments, as I'd like to hear what you think.
Maybe there is such a thing as sharing too much, and maybe some of my personal power will be lost, but perhaps I will gain something more, a community of people willing to be open and honest with eachother, where people feel free to be their true selves, where people want to help and to teach, and also to learn together. This, to me, is worth far more than whatever is gained by hoarding knowledge and keeping secrets. It just might be that a community based on cooperation and acceptance is enough to shine a little light in an often dark and scary world, one where we sometimes feel that a dinosaur lurking outside could chomp on us at any moment. At least it might be enough to spread a little light within our own circle of influence, and give those people around us the freedom to do the same.
I have had some very intense and strangely symbolic dreams. In the past, telling some of my more poignant dreams has been met with some hostility and caused rifts to be formed among friends. One dream, which I have never shared with anyone except my husband, occured when I was 23 years old. I think I never shared it because to me it was special, a small secret holding some power as long as it was mine. At the time, I felt so much had been taken from me, an innocence stolen that I would never regain. Although I fought hard against it, the heartache caused me to close up, build walls, go into isolation in a way. So I kept this dream to myself, my own little light under a bushel, and now I am 31. It has been 8 years.
In the dream I was with a crowd of people, some my age, some younger, and we were all together in this tiny house, and we were trapped. Outside was a dinosaur, like a tyranosaurus rex, gnashing his teeth, trying to stick his head in the windows. Everybody was afraid that he would make a meal out of us. That's when I found an ax and chopped a hole in the ceiling. I climbed up into the attic and started helping others do the same. Eventually, we were able to get up on the roof and get free, and as I woke up from this dream, I heard a voice, clear as day, singing "If that was true you never should have entered seventeen."
At the time, I wasn't even aware that I had "entered seventeen" or even that such a thing were possible. This was all news to me! I laugh about it now. The whole thing seems so bizzare, but still, some of the mystery remains. What could it all mean? For years I kept the dream hidden, maybe for fear that it would be seen as an ego trip. Maybe because of the anger I felt at the world for having stolen my innocence, my happiness, my peace and comfort, not to mention having almost ruined my marriage. I won't get into the messiness of all that, as it's almost too scary to mention, and not really a pertinant part of the story.
Jump ahead several years, after years of "workin' for the man", letting them control my schedule and affect my parenting, relationships and liesure. I quit my job last August, and I cashed out my pension. My RRSP was $17,000, and I had to go to the bank to cash it. And like any trip to the bank, it was almost hell on earth. (who can attest?) At first no one wanted to help. The receptionist wouldn't give me the time of day, so I just ignored her and walked right into the manager's office and (nicely) asked him to pull some strings. Even then he suggested to me that rather than giving me cash he would give me overdraft (trying to convince me that this is as good as cash!). I told him that I was not there for overdraft, but for my money, and that I don't qualify for overdraft anyway. Looking at the paperwork, and seeing that they have $17,000 of my money, he said "Oh, something must have happened in your past." I LAUGHED out loud at this! "WTF, man, have you been living under a rock?" was all I could think. So, eventually, he did what he could have done from the very beginning, which is to call the company and confirm that the money was there and the check was legit. I think what turned him around was that I threatened to basically camp out at the bank, by telling him that if I didn't get my money I wouldn't have the gas to drive home. I was glad to finally get it, but pissed off that he basically made me beg for it. Just a little power trip they play there.
And I guess that's why, if the dream were real, I still would have helped everyone into the attic, because I know what it's like to be shit on, to be taken advantage of, to be stolen from. And I also know what it's like to feel like you're in danger, on the run, or have your survival threatened in some way (this is assuming you are about to get eaten by a giant nasty dinosaur).
Two of my best friends died this August, which has brought the uncertanty of life crashing down on me. We never know how much time we have. Eric and Lindsay didn't know they were going to die on August 12th, at 33 and 27 years old. But they had a fatal car accident, the other car in the wrong lane. They had stopped to watch a mountain goat cross the road, and were just beginning to take off again. On our way to the funeral, we drove the #1 to the spot where they died. This was hard, and we were all really feeling the loss. We left two beers by the the cross on the side of the road. There were pieces of debris all over the road and in the ditch, spreading 20 feet up the mountainside. I met Eric when I was 20, the same day I met my husband.
And life has been really hard this whole time, in the years I spent fighting off the slings and arrows, the time I spent working for the city, and in dealing with a good friend's death, and the mourning and everything I've learned from it. I have stuggled to overcome these hurdles in my life, and to raise my kids to the best of my ability, and I continue to do so.
At the same time, I am ready to move on, and look to the future and move into it. And so, with my money, I'm going to live for a while and support myself while I work on my own business and become self employed. I'm looking to start something really great, a way of helping other independant people, artists, crafters, musicians as well as providing an opportunity for people to teach others their knowledge or skills. I think there are a lot of skills out there which would otherwise be lost if we don't teach them. And whatever I have to offer, I refuse to live in hiding anymore. I have piles of books full of poems, drawings, stories and journal entries that I have written, and I am going to start sharing them with the world. I'll start here on my blog, and try to post something every day throughout the week. Just a short blurb, and if you want to take ten minutes of your time to stop in here and check out what I'm posting, you are welcome to. Also, please feel free to give your feedback in the comments, as I'd like to hear what you think.
Maybe there is such a thing as sharing too much, and maybe some of my personal power will be lost, but perhaps I will gain something more, a community of people willing to be open and honest with eachother, where people feel free to be their true selves, where people want to help and to teach, and also to learn together. This, to me, is worth far more than whatever is gained by hoarding knowledge and keeping secrets. It just might be that a community based on cooperation and acceptance is enough to shine a little light in an often dark and scary world, one where we sometimes feel that a dinosaur lurking outside could chomp on us at any moment. At least it might be enough to spread a little light within our own circle of influence, and give those people around us the freedom to do the same.
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