I'm trying not to feel too sorry for myself, though I'm well practiced at the art of being depressed. But I am not the only woman to go through this, and we still have children to take care of, and households to run. So I get up, have a bath, wash the dishes, make dinner. I was surprised to discover how common miscarriages actually are. In the past week, so many women shared stories with me of their own miscarriage experiences. This is something that most people usually don't talk about. It is amazing really, women are such strong people. They continue to work and take care of their families, even when their bodies are in pain and their hearts are breaking.
I've been reading some miscarriage stories and support websites, and the biggest thing that struck me was how differently I was dealing with things than the women in the stories. Most women's experiences seemed to include ultrasounds, Dopplers, pills, injections or d&c's. It never occurred to me that these things would help, only that they would make the whole experience far more unpleasant. In the medical community, I don't feel that women's bodies are given the respect that they deserve. Our bodies are perfectly capable of doing what they need to do without medication or technology. The womb cleans itself out every month, and a miscarriage is no different. I left my body alone to do what it needed to do. I stayed at home, where it was quiet and comfortable. The cramps I felt for several days were the womb contracting just like it does in labor. This opened up my cervix enough to allow me to pass the tissue from the womb. I passed it in the bathtub, and I felt that, in our own way, my baby and I had the water birth that I believe is the most gentle way to birth a baby.
I used some herbs in the process to help my body heal. Raspberry leaf is full of vitamins and minerals, and has an astringent effect on the uterus. Nettle is another nourishing herb, especially high in iron, which helps to avoid anemia. Ginger can improve digestion, as well as relieve cramps and nausea. Cinnamon helps improve circulation, and makes tea taste yummy. Medicinal strength tea can be made in a one liter jar. Put about 3 tablespoons of each herb in the jar, add a small slice of fresh ginger, and about and inch of a cinnamon stick, crushed into pieces. Fill the jar with boiling water, stir, and put the lid on. Leave the jar to sit at room temperature several hours or overnight. When I was still experiencing cramping, I wrapped the jar in a pillowcase and took it to bed with me. This is much like sleeping with a hot water bottle, and I found it incredibly soothing. This tea is safe for women any time, but is especially helpful during pregnancy, miscarriage or menstruation.
I had cramping and nausea for about 5 days. So far, I have been bleeding for 8 days. Like pregnancy and birth, there is a wide range of what is considered normal, but general consensus seems to be that we usually bleed for one to three weeks. We can rest in the knowledge that our bodies are doing what they need to do. There are a few complications that can occur, such as infection or hemorrhage, but these are rare. A normal miscarriage is much like a normal birth: it is not dangerous, it can be handled at home, and the more you can relax and let the process happen, the easier it will be.
I have learned an important lesson through all of this about the nature of grieving and support. There have been times when I knew a friend had suffered the loss of someone important to them. I was uncomfortable with death and didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. In retrospect, I wish I could have been more aware of what they needed to hear, and less concerned with my own self-conscious feelings. I hope I never make this mistake again.This is a picture I drew. I wish I could say it was entirely my own work, but the idea came from a painting called "Miscarriage of Justice" by Lina Scarfi.
No comments:
Post a Comment