It all started one day when I was sitting in my friend's kitchen having tea. I was pregnant with my second child. We chatted and drank tea, and her seven month old sat on her lap and periodically nursed. Then without explanation, she walked over to the kitchen sink, took off her baby's pants, and held her baby in the sink for a moment, whispering something in her ear. I thought I heard water running. As she put her baby's pants back on and returned to the table, I was dumbfounded. I stared at her for a moment like she had two heads, and blurted out "Did your baby just pee in the sink?" I still wasn't sure what I had just witnessed, but I knew I had never seen anything like it.
That started the process of learning an entirely new way of diapering- no diapers at all! In North America, the technique is called Elimination Communication, or simply diaper free. In some other cultures, it is normal.
The theory is that babies are aware from birth of a pee or poo coming on. They can communicate that they have to go through body language or vocal signals. From birth, they have the ability to consciously eliminate. If we can pick up on their signals, and offer them an appropriate place to go, they can maintain their natural awareness of their body's functions. If we keep them in diapers, we are teaching them that the diaper is where we want them to go, and later in life, we have to re-train them to use the potty. Often, by this point, they have forgotten how to recognize their body's signals in time to make it to the potty, and they have to re-learn this skill.
So, Elimination Communication, or EC, means you don't have to potty train. It means your baby will not be sitting in pee or poo. She will not get diaper rashes. It may reduce fussiness (she may be crying or squirming because she is about to go). She will be less likely to get constipated, and less likely to wet the bed when older. You reduce the use of disposable diapers that end up in the landfill, or the energy consumption and detergent it takes to wash cloth diapers. Best of all, you are increasing the communicative and trusting bond between child and parent!
I ought to mention that you don't literally have to go diaper free. Any kind of diaper can be used just in case you miss it, and believe me, you will. This is not an all or nothing thing. What matters is the effort, and hopefully the gradual growth. I never did master the technique, but we did catch most pee's, and my daughter rarely wet a diaper. I never had to "potty train" her, and she never wet the bed.
Here's how we did it. When she was born, I left her naked a lot. Babies don't really go in their sleep, they usually do it when they wake up, or they stir, pee, and go back to sleep. So, we started with taking her every time she woke up. We held her with her back to our stomach, our hands under her knees, bum over the sink (usually the bathroom). We told her it was okay to go by making the pissing sound, and we also taught her a hand signal for pee. It worked from one day old! This was amazing to witness!
She would pee at other times, and we had to learn to read her signals. Often, if she was nursing and pulled off the boob in (what seemed like) mid feed, I knew it was about to come- fast! For these moments I kept a pee or poo catcher next to me while I was nursing. I kept it next to my bed, too, for those middle of the night pee's. We started out using a bowl, but later used a small one piece BabyBjorn potty. This is my very favorite potty ever made, and I had to order it special on the Internet. Now you can get them all over. Just these few changes eliminated most of our wet diapers each day, and she started sitting on this potty on her own at about six months old, shortly after learning to crawl.
Like I said, I never became an expert at it, but it certainly helped my daughter and I bond, made our lives easier and less messy. It's worth a try. If you are reading this, and you have experience with EC, I'd love it if you'd comment on your own experience, and if there's any helpful tips that I've missed. If you want to know more, I'll leave you with a link with EC info and resources to get you started.
http://www.diaperfreebaby.org
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Easy Cloth Diapers
This post is just some basic information about cloth diapers, what I've used and how I used them. People have some pretty strong misconceptions about cloth diapers. Often, when I told people I used them they wrinkled their nose and made an "Eww, gross" face, or just assumed that I used them because I was so crunchy granola, and that they would never work for a regular person. But cloth diapers are not gross, time consuming, or complicated.
On the contrary, they are soft and cuddly. Your house is cleaner when you don't have stinky old diapers sitting around. It reduces your household waste, and the waste that builds up in our landfills. It keeps toxic chemicals away from your baby's skin. It is way cheaper. They have become a very chic thing to use, and there are so many choices now, but at the time it hadn't really caught on except for among the hippies and the very poor. We were both. So, here is how we did it, and it became a very easy, routine part of life.
With my first child, we used cloth diapers almost entirely from birth to potty training. We bought the Kushies brand from Sears. They don't require folding, and they have velcro closures. We bought two packs of eight and two plastic diaper covers. The entire set cost us less than $100. We didn't spend another penny on diapers until the next year, when we bought her the toddler size ($100 again), which lasted till she was potty trained.
We kept a five gallon pail beside the toilet. After a change we would throw wet diapers in the bucket. If the diaper had poo, we'd plop the poo into the toilet (or scoop it off with toilet paper if need be), rinse off any remaining poo in the sink, and toss it in the bucket. We didn't fill the bucket with water or soak the diapers, because that turned out to be messy, and made it harder to carry them downstairs to the washer. At the end of the day, we'd throw them all in the washer (regular cycle). Then we hung them up inside, and by morning they were dry and ready to use. The diaper covers were changed if they were wet. The wet one got hung on the towel rack in the bathroom, the dry one got put on.
There's really not much else to it than that. My sister, whom I got the "Eww gross!" face from the most, ended up using cloth diapers for her own kids, and commenting on how easy it was. All I can say is, you never know until you try.
On the contrary, they are soft and cuddly. Your house is cleaner when you don't have stinky old diapers sitting around. It reduces your household waste, and the waste that builds up in our landfills. It keeps toxic chemicals away from your baby's skin. It is way cheaper. They have become a very chic thing to use, and there are so many choices now, but at the time it hadn't really caught on except for among the hippies and the very poor. We were both. So, here is how we did it, and it became a very easy, routine part of life.
With my first child, we used cloth diapers almost entirely from birth to potty training. We bought the Kushies brand from Sears. They don't require folding, and they have velcro closures. We bought two packs of eight and two plastic diaper covers. The entire set cost us less than $100. We didn't spend another penny on diapers until the next year, when we bought her the toddler size ($100 again), which lasted till she was potty trained.
We kept a five gallon pail beside the toilet. After a change we would throw wet diapers in the bucket. If the diaper had poo, we'd plop the poo into the toilet (or scoop it off with toilet paper if need be), rinse off any remaining poo in the sink, and toss it in the bucket. We didn't fill the bucket with water or soak the diapers, because that turned out to be messy, and made it harder to carry them downstairs to the washer. At the end of the day, we'd throw them all in the washer (regular cycle). Then we hung them up inside, and by morning they were dry and ready to use. The diaper covers were changed if they were wet. The wet one got hung on the towel rack in the bathroom, the dry one got put on.
There's really not much else to it than that. My sister, whom I got the "Eww gross!" face from the most, ended up using cloth diapers for her own kids, and commenting on how easy it was. All I can say is, you never know until you try.
Monday, January 17, 2011
If Birds Were Humans
I am a mother bird. My eggs just hatched. I have three new nestlings, and I am feeling a little overwhelmed because these are my first. They are looking a little slimy and scrawny, but they are mine, they will grow up to look like me. They are now squawking and wiggling around and drawing a lot of attention to us. The other mother birds are starting to stare. Gosh these kids sure are loud! I try to quiet them down, but they keep on squawking. I suppose they are hungry. The other birds are waiting to watch me feed them. If I can't feed them like a mother bird should, they will think I am not fit to be a bird. The squawking is getting louder. I am so nervous I feel I might puke! Woah, yuck! I just puked in my beak a little. This morning's breakfast of bugs tasted a lot better the first time. As I open my beak, the slimy little squawkers nearly jump down my throat. They are eating the bug-puke! Gross. So this is motherhood.
My beak is emptied, and the nestlings are quieting down. I figure after all that hatching, I am in need of a bird bath. The little birdies are curled up in the nest looking like three little furry balls. I fly away, I need to clear my head. That was the strangest thing I've ever done. I see a puddle with some worms in it, and stop for a snack. Then I head over to my favorite little bush, which has just gone to seed. I am famished! I guess that makes sense, since breakfast didn't go down so well. But I am feeling more refreshed in no time, and I head back to the nest, thinking maybe I'll get a nap while the birdies are still asleep.
As I approach my nest, I hear a horrible racket. Oh no! All three nestlings are crying bloody murder and waving their wings about. Insanity has set in. There is no calming them. I wonder how long they've been doing this, and I look around to see if any of the other mother birds have noticed. I notice one eyeing me in the tree next door. She's heard the commotion, and she's giving me that look. I try putting my wings around the birdies. I talk softly to them, "It's all right little birds, hush, hush. I just went for a little fly, I didn't go far." But it's no use. If they don't cut it out, some one's going to report me to bird services. The whole thing is making me feel sick all over again, and, oh there we go. My snack of worms and seeds is in my beak. Again the little monsters stick their beaks right in there and gobble the mushy mess right up. Then, just as suddenly, silence. They are curled up in the nest again, like there was never any problem in the first place.
So, off I go, to get myself some thing to eat, again. Down at the puddle I meet my friend, who hatched four birdies last week. "Did your eggs hatch yet?" she asks.
"Yes, this morning" I answer "they sure take a lot out of you." I wasn't sure if I was referring to the energy, or the puke.
"I know" she says. "I found regurgitation too much for me. I just couldn't handle it."
"That's all I've been doing since they hatched. But, that's the way it is, I guess. It's only for a few weeks."
"Oh, I'm already done with that. I didn't have enough puke to go around, and they were hungry again after twenty minutes."
"I thought that was normal" I pictured my own nestlings, and how they had been so hungry after only ten minutes. "But what other choice do we have?"
"Oh well, regurgitation is best for nestlings, don't get me wrong, but I just couldn't live like that. All I did was eat and puke! I started giving them mashed food from my talons. It's SO much easier!"
"Really? Don't they need the bacteria from your intestine to pollinate their intestines?"
"Oh, that's what the regurgitation fanatics say. They think every mother bird should regurgitate. But this is the way that is best for me, and my nestlings are coming along just fine. Besides, in another week, they'll be getting their own food."
As I finish my worms, I think about what my friend said. I return to my nest, and my birdies are just waking up. Up comes the puke, a little easier this time. The nestlings practically inhale it, and go back to sleep. I was tired, I was hungry, I was wondering if it was really worth it. Would I have enough puke? Should I consider this new way of feeding? I don't want to be called a "regurgitation fanatic", but it seems that, as a species, birds have thrived with regurgitation.
So I fly away to get more food, and I hope maybe I'll meet some birds that do regurgitate. Maybe they can give me some helpful pointers. It would probably help just to know that I'm not the only bird out there doing this. I'm learning that raising nestlings is not easy, and I'd like to have some other birds around.
I return to my nest, thinking about a nap. The little birdies are still asleep, if only for a moment. I curl up next to them, and fall asleep. Soon I can feel them start to stir. I don't want to wake up just yet, so I quickly regurgitate and open my beak. Softly, the sleepy little birds take their food and in moments they are asleep again. As I fall asleep again, I reflect on my new role in life. Someday, these little birds will leave my nest, but I'm not ready for that just yet.
My beak is emptied, and the nestlings are quieting down. I figure after all that hatching, I am in need of a bird bath. The little birdies are curled up in the nest looking like three little furry balls. I fly away, I need to clear my head. That was the strangest thing I've ever done. I see a puddle with some worms in it, and stop for a snack. Then I head over to my favorite little bush, which has just gone to seed. I am famished! I guess that makes sense, since breakfast didn't go down so well. But I am feeling more refreshed in no time, and I head back to the nest, thinking maybe I'll get a nap while the birdies are still asleep.
As I approach my nest, I hear a horrible racket. Oh no! All three nestlings are crying bloody murder and waving their wings about. Insanity has set in. There is no calming them. I wonder how long they've been doing this, and I look around to see if any of the other mother birds have noticed. I notice one eyeing me in the tree next door. She's heard the commotion, and she's giving me that look. I try putting my wings around the birdies. I talk softly to them, "It's all right little birds, hush, hush. I just went for a little fly, I didn't go far." But it's no use. If they don't cut it out, some one's going to report me to bird services. The whole thing is making me feel sick all over again, and, oh there we go. My snack of worms and seeds is in my beak. Again the little monsters stick their beaks right in there and gobble the mushy mess right up. Then, just as suddenly, silence. They are curled up in the nest again, like there was never any problem in the first place.
So, off I go, to get myself some thing to eat, again. Down at the puddle I meet my friend, who hatched four birdies last week. "Did your eggs hatch yet?" she asks.
"Yes, this morning" I answer "they sure take a lot out of you." I wasn't sure if I was referring to the energy, or the puke.
"I know" she says. "I found regurgitation too much for me. I just couldn't handle it."
"That's all I've been doing since they hatched. But, that's the way it is, I guess. It's only for a few weeks."
"Oh, I'm already done with that. I didn't have enough puke to go around, and they were hungry again after twenty minutes."
"I thought that was normal" I pictured my own nestlings, and how they had been so hungry after only ten minutes. "But what other choice do we have?"
"Oh well, regurgitation is best for nestlings, don't get me wrong, but I just couldn't live like that. All I did was eat and puke! I started giving them mashed food from my talons. It's SO much easier!"
"Really? Don't they need the bacteria from your intestine to pollinate their intestines?"
"Oh, that's what the regurgitation fanatics say. They think every mother bird should regurgitate. But this is the way that is best for me, and my nestlings are coming along just fine. Besides, in another week, they'll be getting their own food."
As I finish my worms, I think about what my friend said. I return to my nest, and my birdies are just waking up. Up comes the puke, a little easier this time. The nestlings practically inhale it, and go back to sleep. I was tired, I was hungry, I was wondering if it was really worth it. Would I have enough puke? Should I consider this new way of feeding? I don't want to be called a "regurgitation fanatic", but it seems that, as a species, birds have thrived with regurgitation.
So I fly away to get more food, and I hope maybe I'll meet some birds that do regurgitate. Maybe they can give me some helpful pointers. It would probably help just to know that I'm not the only bird out there doing this. I'm learning that raising nestlings is not easy, and I'd like to have some other birds around.
I return to my nest, thinking about a nap. The little birdies are still asleep, if only for a moment. I curl up next to them, and fall asleep. Soon I can feel them start to stir. I don't want to wake up just yet, so I quickly regurgitate and open my beak. Softly, the sleepy little birds take their food and in moments they are asleep again. As I fall asleep again, I reflect on my new role in life. Someday, these little birds will leave my nest, but I'm not ready for that just yet.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Parenting 101
I never want to read another blog or article on parenting again. I say this as I continue to write my own. At the same time, I won't blame you if you don't read it. Parenting blogs are very annoying. In the past few days, I have read all sorts of information, scientific studies, and opinions of experts and lay parents (people who don't parent professionally). Most of it conflicts, all of it is or seems to be backed up by some kind of study. I can just picture the new mom, and even some seasoned veterans running around like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to follow the advice that the latest studies suggests.
This has been going on for a long time. Once upon a time, it was recommended that all babies be slept on their stomachs, then, suddenly, the "experts" changed their minds. They said babies ought to sleep on their backs. If mothers had been connected to the internet at this time, I can imagine all the mothers in North America simultaneously running from their computers to their sleeping babes to turn their babies over before somebody saw and suspected them of bad mothering. Then it was recommended that babies sleep on their sides, and all the mothers got up and ran to their sleepers again to turn them before they choked on spit up.
Suddenly, a study comes out that suggests that waiting till your baby is six months old to introduce solids could be harmful to your baby, or that circumsizing your boy will help prevent the spread of aids, or that sanitizing your grocery cart and washing your hands will produce healthier kids than extended breast feeding. The list goes on and on, until a person is so overwhelmed with information that they are not sure what to believe anymore. Only one thing is for sure, no matter what you do as a parent, somebody somewhere will tell you you're doing it wrong.
And here comes one more parenting blog to suggest one more way of making decisions. Follow your intuition. That's it. Parenting is not rocket science folks. Actually, I could probably still do it just as well if there were never any studies done on it to prove one way is better than another. There is one little piece of advice that has influenced my parenting choices more than any other. It is "Follow your baby's cues." So, if your baby wants to nurse, let her. If she wants solid food, give it to her. If your baby is crying, there is a reason why she is crying. Try to figure out what it is.
I could tell you what I think is the best way, but I'd rather tell you that you are strong, smart and capable. You need to have the confidence to make the decisions that you feel are best, and to be able to defend those decisions without falling back on the scientific studies (because science is likely to change). And hopefully you have a better reason for your decisions than "That's what my parents did, and I turned out okay." That being said, please have the confidence to admit that you could be, or have been wrong. It is okay to be wrong sometimes. I will be the first to admit it. I have made bad parenting decisions before. I continue to be an imperfect mother. I notice it. My children notice it. I'm sure my friends notice it. Sometimes I tell my kids "I'm sorry, I'm doing the best I can". I think they understand that.
This has been going on for a long time. Once upon a time, it was recommended that all babies be slept on their stomachs, then, suddenly, the "experts" changed their minds. They said babies ought to sleep on their backs. If mothers had been connected to the internet at this time, I can imagine all the mothers in North America simultaneously running from their computers to their sleeping babes to turn their babies over before somebody saw and suspected them of bad mothering. Then it was recommended that babies sleep on their sides, and all the mothers got up and ran to their sleepers again to turn them before they choked on spit up.
Suddenly, a study comes out that suggests that waiting till your baby is six months old to introduce solids could be harmful to your baby, or that circumsizing your boy will help prevent the spread of aids, or that sanitizing your grocery cart and washing your hands will produce healthier kids than extended breast feeding. The list goes on and on, until a person is so overwhelmed with information that they are not sure what to believe anymore. Only one thing is for sure, no matter what you do as a parent, somebody somewhere will tell you you're doing it wrong.
And here comes one more parenting blog to suggest one more way of making decisions. Follow your intuition. That's it. Parenting is not rocket science folks. Actually, I could probably still do it just as well if there were never any studies done on it to prove one way is better than another. There is one little piece of advice that has influenced my parenting choices more than any other. It is "Follow your baby's cues." So, if your baby wants to nurse, let her. If she wants solid food, give it to her. If your baby is crying, there is a reason why she is crying. Try to figure out what it is.
I am not saying we shouldn't be reading parenting books or blogs, learning or getting a glimpse of how other people are parenting. But I don't recommend parenting according to the latest scientific research. I also don't recommend choosing a style of parenting simply because it is what your parents did, or what your friends do. Guess what, Mom and Dad, you are the one that has to make decisions on how you are raising your kids. You are the one that has to live with those decisions, and those kids.
I could tell you what I think is the best way, but I'd rather tell you that you are strong, smart and capable. You need to have the confidence to make the decisions that you feel are best, and to be able to defend those decisions without falling back on the scientific studies (because science is likely to change). And hopefully you have a better reason for your decisions than "That's what my parents did, and I turned out okay." That being said, please have the confidence to admit that you could be, or have been wrong. It is okay to be wrong sometimes. I will be the first to admit it. I have made bad parenting decisions before. I continue to be an imperfect mother. I notice it. My children notice it. I'm sure my friends notice it. Sometimes I tell my kids "I'm sorry, I'm doing the best I can". I think they understand that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)