The subject of the TIME article, attachment parenting, is a style covered in Dr. Sears' The Baby Book. In his book, he explains that “the seven Baby B’s (birth bonding, breastfeeding, babywearing, bedding close to baby, belief in baby’s cries, beware of baby trainers, and balance) are starter tools (remember, tools not rules) to help parents and infants get to know each other better. And families can modify these tools to fit their individual family situation.” (Dr. Sears' facebook response toTIME's article) I first heard of attachment parenting right before my second daughter was born, in '06. Far from being extreme, the ideas just made sense to me.
I went through such
a hard start with my first daughter. We had a rough birth and a hard
time breastfeeding. We didn't co-sleep, and rather than trying to
follow my daughter's cues, I tried to fit her into a feeding
schedule, which is (I think) what Dr. Sears means by baby trainers.
In short, I wasn't much of an attachment parent-er. Not because I
didn't want to be attached to my kid, but because parenting was
really hard. My daughter cried a lot as a baby, because I would put
her in her crib and try to get her to fall asleep at specific times.
I would try to feed her at regular intervals, rather than watching
her cues to see when she wanted to nurse. Trying to stick to a
schedule caused a lot of frustration for both me and my daughter.
I didn't want to go
through those frustrations again, so when I had my second daughter, I
did things differently. I tried my hand at attachment parenting. I
had a peaceful birth, with plenty of skin to skin contact afterwards.
I breastfed her when she made the cue that meant she wanted to
nurse. I carried her in a sling, especially when I couldn't find
another way to get her to stop crying. I didn't stress nap times,
but instead let her fall asleep when ever she got tired. We slept in
the same bed, making night nursing sessions easier. To my delight,
it worked. My life was easier. My daughter's life was easier. My
house was usually quiet and peaceful, no baby crying! No mama
crying! ;) So not only did I find that attachment parenting made
sense after reading the whys and hows, I tried it and found it
worked.
To be specific, I found
that it made mom's and baby's lives easier. But in reality, that's
not attachment parenting's goal. The goal is to create a secure bond
with our children, a relationship that will withstand the hardships that our children may face in
life. It has probably become so popular (at least in part), due to
so many people of our generation feeling disconnected from our
parents and others in our life. Probably because we want to be
deeply connected to our loved ones, our family, our children. It's
important for all of us to feel loved, listened to, cared for and
connected, and we want our children to feel that way, too.
Now I practice
attachment parenting with my son, who is seven months old.
Although it hasn't always been a picnic, I'm glad to have these
practices. I can only imagine how much harder the baby stage would
be without them. The thing I love most about AP (attachment
parenting), is the closeness I have with the little guy. It really
brings out that intoxicating baby love, where you feel like you could just
breath in the smell of him all day long. In my experience, it makes
for very cuddly babies.But I am hoping that my efforts to practice attachment do more than help the baby stage. My goal for my kids is to help them reach adulthood feeling
secure and confident, able to make good decisions and build strong
relationships. I feel a close knit relationship with parents
goes a long way towards helping kids get there.
