Feelings new to touch and taste
Sundried emotions
Jump out and dance against the wall
Colors of Pluto and Neptune exploding
And I can't seem to find myself
Lost and drifting
On waves of purple cotton
Or is it blue?
Or can I say I never loved him
To find the time to not have pain
But anger is a friend of mine
And abandonment my brother
So when I find myself again
When I have figured out the wall
When I find the pearl amidst the stack
Of papers that lay cowering on the floor
Rejected and unacceptable
When I find it I won't sleep
I won't shake hands and I won't eat
I won't move a finger, I'll hold it tight
Then it can't leave me in the night.
- Shay Sampson, 2001
So, Eagle was throwing up yesterday, and last night both girls started. They threw up all night, all over the place. When my kids puke, it happens without warning. Suddenly. Brian stayed awake with them, washed their blankets, got them fresh buckets, got Ocean in the tub when she woke up with puke all through her hair. These are the moments you don't think about when becoming a parent. So today is clean up day. Cleaned the bathroom (puke all over the floor, the toilet and up the walls), and the downstairs, where puke was on the carpet and couch down there. The kids are starting to feel better, mom and dad are fighting it off.
So after cleaning up the basement, Brian and I were sitting down there drinking coffee while Eagle played, and Brian was juggling and being silly for Eagle who thought it was just hilarious. And he started talking about how that was the best part of parenting, when you get to laugh and play with your kids. You make them happy and they make you happy. I laughed that he would still talk that way, even after staying up all night with puking kids.
But getting puke everywhere motivates me to not just clean up the puke, but to clean the whole room, so maybe even the worst parts of parenting are blessings in disguise. And in the process of cleaning, the thought occurred to me that some of the heartache that I have been through in life has given me motivation to take a stand against injustice that I might have otherwise overlooked. I do so in the hopes that my children will grow up in a better world than I did, with more equality, freedom and peace.
I wrote the above poem in 2001, and included it in a group of 17 poems that were to become songs, my first album. Half of them had melodies already. At one point I printed them all out and mailed them to myself, registered mail, a primitive attempt to copywrite my work. I've been carrying that unopened envelope around for years! I just opened it up the other day, and this one was #16. I guess I finally realized that I don't need to be worried about someone stealing my work, because no one in their right mind would want to pretend they were me! I doubt very much that anyone out there would want to walk a mile in my shoes.
Well, I hope this Tuesday finds you all well!
