I heard a statistic that people's number one fear is public speaking, and number two is death. I am willing to guess that, among woman, number three would be aging. We fear wrinkles and gray hair, as if they were monsters coming to devour the "real" us. The young us.
Marketers know about this fear and use it to make suckers out of us. We readily buy up anything labeled as anti-aging, whether it works or not. And usually it doesn't. We can keep our skin from getting dry, but we can not keep it from looking it's age. The very term anti-aging is ridiculous. Why should we be anti-aging? Not only are marketers making suckers of us, but we are loosing our power by not embracing the passing of time.
This may seem like a new concept to some of you, the fact that age makes us powerful, but it is actually ancient. Throughout history, we have recognized our elders with honor. Life experience gives them perspective, depth, peace about the world around them, and acceptance of who they are (wrinkles and all). If we do not honor ourselves, or the wisdom we have gained, we are pushing our power away from us, rather than embracing it.
But it is not becoming wise that we fear, nor are we worried about losing our health or mobility. We are worried about loosing our youthful beauty. Most people don't think about it this way, but there are other types of beauty besides youth. To me, this seems so very obvious. I think of all the beautiful women I have seen in their thirties and forties, their fifties and sixties.
Youth tend to have a very limited, close minded perspective on the world around them. They can not relate to anyone except those in their own age bracket. Everyone else is automatically uncool, or doesn't understand them, or couldn't possibly relate to what they are going through. For the record, I am glad my youth is over.
I am not looking backwards, holding that stage of my life up on a pedestal as if it were the ultimate in living. I am looking forward to getting older. I have gained a lot of perspective in the last ten years. I have grown immensely. I learned so much about who I am, what I value, how to love. I have learned about the world around me, how to relate to others, how to be a family, how to work hard and pursue my goals, and what is really important in life. I am still learning all those lessons, but I feel I am a better person for all that I learned in my twenties, and I would not give that up for a chance to have a thinner body or smoother skin.
I feel that if life is as full for me in coming decades as it has been in my twenties, then I will continue to emerge from each decade changed for the better. With each new stage of life, I will be more able to see the world for what it is, more comfortable with who I am, and more able to have genuine, lasting friendships.
I have come to have such a deep respect for what we gain through life experience, that I think it has changed my view of what beauty really is. I no longer look at twenty year olds and think "I would like to look like them." I am noticing women who I feel are aging gracefully, and wanting to be like them. I don't mean women who are sixty but still look forty because they use hair die, or get botox or plastic surgery. I mean those women who truly seem proud of their age, of all they have come through, and all that they've gained. Those women who are rocking gray hair, rather than trying to cover it up. Those women who continue to be stylish and healthy, but most of all, who are comfortable in their own skin.
It may take me a few more decades, but I will get there, too. Someday I will have gray hair and wrinkles. My hands will look like leather, with large creases on the knuckles. And I will have that look in my eye. That look that says I know something, I've seen things, I understand. At thirty, I have a long way to go. In fact, I am probably closer to youth than I am to wisdom. But I can relax and enjoy the ride, not long for what has past, but look forward to what is to come. I can enjoy this stage of my life, and celebrate the passing of time. Here's to a new decade!
