Parenting 101

I never want to read another blog or article on parenting again.  I say this as I continue to write my own.  At the same time, I won't blame you if you don't read it.  Parenting blogs are very annoying.  In the past few days, I have read all sorts of information, scientific studies, and opinions of experts and lay parents (people who don't parent professionally).  Most of it conflicts, all of it is or seems to be backed up by some kind of study.  I can just picture the new mom, and even some seasoned veterans running around like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to follow the advice that the latest studies suggests.

This has been going on for a long time.  Once upon a time, it was recommended that all babies be slept on their stomachs, then, suddenly, the "experts" changed their minds.  They said babies ought to sleep on their backs.  If mothers had been connected to the internet at this time, I can imagine all the mothers in North America simultaneously running from their computers to their sleeping babes to turn their babies over before somebody saw and suspected them of bad mothering.  Then it was recommended that babies sleep on their sides, and all the mothers got up and ran to their sleepers again to turn them before they choked on spit up.

Suddenly, a study comes out that suggests that waiting till your baby is six months old to introduce solids could be harmful to your baby, or that circumsizing your boy will help prevent the spread of aids, or that sanitizing your grocery cart and washing your hands will produce healthier kids than extended breast feeding.  The list goes on and on, until a person is so overwhelmed with information that they are not sure what to believe anymore.  Only one thing is for sure, no matter what you do as a parent, somebody somewhere will tell you you're doing it wrong.

And here comes one more parenting blog to suggest one more way of making decisions.  Follow your intuition.  That's it.  Parenting is not rocket science folks.  Actually, I could probably still do it just as well if there were never any studies done on it to prove one way is better than another.  There is one little piece of advice that has influenced my parenting choices more than any other.  It is "Follow your baby's cues."  So, if your baby wants to nurse, let her.  If she wants solid food, give it to her.  If your baby is crying, there is a reason why she is crying.  Try to figure out what it is.

I am not saying we shouldn't be reading parenting books or blogs, learning or getting a glimpse of how other people are parenting.  But I don't recommend parenting according to the latest scientific research.  I  also don't recommend choosing a style of parenting simply because it is what your parents did, or what your friends do.  Guess what, Mom and Dad, you are the one that has to make decisions on how you are raising your kids.  You are the one that has to live with those decisions, and those kids.

I could tell you what I think is the best way, but I'd rather tell you that you are strong, smart and capable. You need to have the confidence to make the decisions that you feel are best, and to be able to defend those decisions without falling back on the scientific studies (because science is likely to change).  And hopefully you have a better reason for your decisions than "That's what my parents did, and I turned out okay."  That being said, please have the confidence to admit that you could be, or have been wrong.  It is okay to be wrong sometimes.  I will be the first to admit it.  I have made bad parenting decisions before.  I continue to be an imperfect mother.  I notice it.  My children notice it.  I'm sure my friends notice it.  Sometimes I tell my kids "I'm sorry, I'm doing the best I can".  I think they understand that.