My eight year old daughter came home from school today to say that another kid had pushed her down in the snow, against a set of stairs. She was crying. I pressed her for a few of the details, and, not knowing what to say, I gave her a hug and sat her down to a plate of hot pancakes with maple syrup.
Turns out, the kid that pushed her today, also a third grade girl, did so because my daughter "doesn't believe in god, and doesn't like Justin Bieber." Apparently, in the third grade, this constitutes a major social faux pas. It may sound ridiculous, but for me, this is a very frustrating situation. I feel like the public school environment is undermining the things I have been teaching her all her life.
First of all, I've taught her that it's never okay to hit, push, kick or be violent. I've told her over and over again that nobody has the right to hurt her. That is called abuse and assault. It is wrong and illegal. Adults end up in jail for that sort of thing. If there's one thing I want to teach my kids, it's that violence is not acceptable. I wonder if the school is conveying the same message. We have had problems with bullying before. Last year it was the same kid and his friends continually for most of the year. Despite our complaints, the school did nothing for several months. They gave the kid "a talking to." Finally, they sent a note home in his agenda. His behavior still didn't stop. The school claims to have a zero tolerance policy for bullying, but when they have a chance to prove it, they display the opposite. So, even though at home she is taught that no one should ever lay a hand on her in anger, at school she is taught that people will, and that they'll get away with it, too.
Another thing I've been teaching her is that she has a right to choose her beliefs. We all do. She has asked me plenty of questions about god, religion, and what other people believe. I'm fairly knowledgeable on the subject, and I've answered all her questions as best as I can. I've never told her god isn't real. If she asks what she should believe, or "what religion are we?" I tell her to believe whatever she wants. Ask questions, read books, and then decide for yourself. I believe people should internalize their spirituality, rather than inherit it. She says "I don't believe god is real", and I tell her that is a fine thing to believe.
But although the school has never told her otherwise, the kids at school certainly are. And once again, I wonder what the school is doing about it. This, too, is frustrating, because these little kids don't know a thing about spirituality. At this age, they are simply spouting off the narowmindedness that they are getting from their parents. They are completely ignorant of religion and the damage it causes and has caused, and yet they are perpetuating it. Even though it is a secular school, I feel it is their responsibility to address this, before my daughter learns not to think for herself.
Not only is she learning not to think for herself, she's learning not to be herself. The Justin Bieber thing is ridiculous, but it's representative of a larger problem with pop culture and peer pressure. A month ago, she didn't want to wear her Twisted Sister t-shirt to school because the other kids don't like Twisted Sister. What can I say? It's not easy being yourself in a world of conformists. It's certainly not easy being a kid, and trying to balance your individuality with what others expect of you.
I suppose I could tell her that it gets easier. That somehow in adulthood, these problems don't seem so monstrous. We learn to surround ourselves, as much as possible, with people who will support us, accept us, and treat us with respect. But the underlying issues still exist, they never really go away. So perhaps this is just a part of life. Maybe I should be thanking the public school for initiating her into the world so painfully and so completely. Still, I can't help but wonder, isn't it too early? Couldn't I protect her from this for a little while longer? Does she really have to grow up just yet? She just turned eight years old.
